Societal Expectations and Gender Roles: Redefining What It Means to Be a Man

“The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.” – Carl Jung 

Growing up, I was handed a clear script on what it means to “be a man.” Traditional norms in Filipino culture showed me that men were protectors—solid, unshakeable—and women were nurturers, the heart of the family. These roles taught me a lot about responsibility, and they shaped who I became. I grew up believing that being a man was about providing, protecting, and standing strong in the face of any adversity. These values are powerful, but I’ve come to see that they also risk keeping us in a place where we don’t feel free to be fully ourselves. 

Being “strong” meant keeping emotions in check, often seeing vulnerability as a weakness. I found myself suppressing feelings, with frustration or anger sometimes being the only “acceptable” emotions. The traditional model of masculinity I learned was simple: be stoic, dependable, and resilient. But over time, I started to feel a pull toward something deeper. I wanted to be strong, but I also wanted to feel real, grounded, and more connected to who I truly am. 

The Real Challenge 

The true test is realizing that real strength doesn’t come from hiding emotions; it comes from embracing them. This hit me during a group therapy session a few years back. I went in convinced I had it all figured out, ready to help others and leave my own stuff under wraps. But as the group shared, I found myself feeling challenged to open up, even though it was the last thing I wanted to do. 

When it came to my turn, the wall I’d built over the years held strong—at first. Vulnerability wasn’t something I was comfortable with, especially in a group setting. But eventually, I started sharing a bit about my own story, my challenges, and, before I knew it, I was pouring it all out. It felt strange, raw, and exposing, but it was a turning point. I learned that real masculinity isn’t about avoiding vulnerability; it’s about showing up as your true self, no matter what. 

Steps Toward Real, Authentic Masculinity 

If you’ve felt these same struggles, here are three steps that have helped me redefine what it means to be a man, honoring both tradition and authenticity: 

1. Acknowledge Feelings—No Fixing Necessary 

   Give yourself a few minutes each day to check in with how you’re feeling, without needing to fix it. I learned that letting myself feel without judgment was a huge step toward self-acceptance. 

2. Redefine Strength as Emotional Integrity 

   Strength isn’t about staying tough; it’s about being real. The next time you feel overwhelmed, remind yourself that feeling deeply doesn’t make you weak. It takes guts to face emotions honestly. 

3. Challenge Just One Expectation 

   Pick one societal expectation that feels like it’s weighing you down, and ask yourself: Is this really serving me? For me, it was always needing to act strong and handle things alone. Small steps—like reaching out when I needed it—helped me open up and reframe vulnerability as a strength. 

Ready to Take the Next Step? 

If you’re ready to drop the pressure and start embracing who you really are, reach out. Let’s navigate this path together and create your personal masterpiece, one step at a time. 

Chop wood, carry water. 

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